Just six short days ago, Rylan
Clarke was still a contender for X Factor
glory. His live-show performances, though they exuded all the dignity of a
Lindsay Lohan night-out, had won him a perma-tanned legion of voters, whilst
his knee-jerk putdowns to Gary Borelow had made sure the Tulisa fag-ash-breath
comment was avenged ten times over. Fast-forward from last weekend, though, and
Rylan’s career direction has changed shape with the same astonishing rapidity
as Lisa Riley’s gut. The Essex beanpole only got given the boot last Sunday,
but by yesterday morning he’d already been unveiled by ITV’s Daybreak as a stand-in for Strictly-evictee Richard Arnold, who’s
taking next week off to lick pedicure his wounds feet.
 |
| Making his mark: Rylan wasn't known for downplayed performances |
Call
me cynical, but I sense a little snag in Ry’s appointment. Richard serves as
the show’s showbiz correspondent and takes his place opposite Aled and Lorraine
(or Kate and Matt) every morning at 7:55 to dish entertainment dirt
glitter whilst viewers tuck into their Corn Flakes. He’s carved an enviable
career in journalism, beginning as a telly critic and racking up a string of
gossip column accolades that have furnished him with the reputation of somewhat
of a celeb-oracle. If anyone deserves credit for helping the Daybreak team claw their way back up
from ratings-hell, aside from Aled Jones, it’s Arnold: the banter with whoever
happens to be opposite him is the sort Cowell/Cole thrived on; and his
on-screen enthusiasm makes Davina McCall and Paddy McGuiness look more like a
couple of melancholic drunks.
 |
| The pro: Arnold has proved himself on breakfast telly |
And then
there’s Rylan. Much as he spruced up an otherwise vanilla pool of X Factor talent (I’m talking about you,
Kye) and is, unquestionably, likeable, I’ve got my doubts about his taking on
the role of gossip-buff. He might very well have Amy Childs on speed dial, know
all the birthdates of the TOWIE cast
and be able to reel off Katie Price’s entire sexual history (perhaps not all of
it– nobody’s that good), but that
doesn’t make him a journalist. At best, it might just make him journalism. Throughout his time on The X Factor, Rylan could be seen trying
to do the breaststroke out of nightclubs and pouting harder than Victoria Beckham,
smouldering at the lenses of paps and having his sound bites made into
headlines. Is the distance from copy to copywriter, from star to stargazer, so
paltry that it can be traversed in six days? He can handle himself in front of
a camera when he’s playing his sequined celeb-bit, but I’m unconvinced that he
can balance this with letting others taking the spotlight as Arnold does
flawlessly day after day.
Unfortunately
for Clark, this prognosis isn’t (just) fuelled by my being an envious killjoy,
and a cursory glance back at another larger-than-life X Factor star who attempted to take the leap to presenting backs me
up. Last year, competitor Jonny Robinson served somewhat as Rylan’s precursor;
though more shrivelled, less likeable and much less likely to be seen stumbling
out of Mahiki, the finalist quickly donned the costume department’s tackiest
garb and clashed with Gary to scoop votes. This summer, Jonny reared his
bizarrely orange head as a Hub presenter on This
Morning and, somehow, managed to euthanize what emaciated public favour he
had left. It wasn’t that we were sick of Jonny, it was that he flapped around,
fluffed his lines and flirted, sickeningly, with Eamonn Holmes. In short, he
didn’t have the faintest idea how to handle himself as a presenter, despite
being irritatingly comfortable in his X
Factor role.
 |
| Success story: Olly with fellow Xtra host Caroline Flack |
What’s
interesting is how this rule hasn’t plagued the presenting credentials of the
more (how shall we phrase this?) natural
Olly Murs. Alongside Caroline Flack, he’s obliterated any traces of
amateurishness left on the Xtra Factor
by Konnie Huq and turned the ITV2 sister-show into a ratings hit. Some of this
has to do with his taking to the autocue under the same roof that he shimmied
his way to the final; he needs only to empathise with contestants rather than
metamorphose into a gossip geek as Rylan will be called to do on Monday
morning. But perhaps Olly’s success as a presenter comes too from his refusal
to slip into The X Factor panto
whilst he was on the show himself. Unlike Rylan, he didn’t cultivate the
“reality-star” image or depend on drama to get ahead, meaning that his stepping
out of the limelight is all the more believable. This analysis doesn’t just
hold true with Olly’s presenting prospects. Myleene Klass got ample
cleavage-coverage during her Hear’Say stint and in I’m A Celebrity…, but would she have been such a shoe-in for the
countless presenting gigs she’s had since if it weren’t for her spurning of
celebrity glamour?
Rylan’s Daybreak stretch next week might very
well prove me wrong, but I can’t imagine hearing the showbiz news from a guy
who still is the showbiz news. Next
Saturday marks The X Factor final,
and Rylan the presenter will no doubt be speculating about the show before
Rylan the performer hurtles off to practice his part in rehearsals. Perhaps
this is that envious killjoy in me again, but could ITV have not stumped up for
a more adept entertainment correspondent, if only until Rylan’s fake-bake has
been cleaned out of the X Factor
dressing rooms?
