Swapping Pensions for Paychecks: “The Town That Never Retired”

It is without so much as a moment's hesitation that I would identify myself and my family as out and out, steadfast M&S zealots. The slump in profits reported for the last quarter? Probably just mum taking a holiday. Marks' boons are, to us devotees, endless; its a store where the cafe queues are worth it, a store staffed with the warm and the mumsy rather than students who'd sooner be in bed. It's a store where the sandwiches refuse to sag and the prepared meals don't taste like bubble wrap. And a store for beholding social prejudices, inter-societal relations and implicit stereotyping? Apparently so. Thursday afternoon saw me buying my daily Marks and Sparks lunch and gawking at the exchange taking place at the till to my left. A cotton-haired, feet shuffling, biddy-looking lady had just packed up her gains and the smarty-pants, unctuous young woman serving her (she’s just a drop in the M&S service ocean- we all have our flaws) was dabhandedly rounding things off on her touchscreen till. “Oh! Paying with card madam? No problem at all,” she trilled through an ear-to-ear grin that radiated smarm. “If you just put your card in this little grey box here, it will ask you to confirm the amount you want to pay,” here she actually mimed inserting a card in its slot, “and then enter your secret number, OK? Would you like me to help you with the buttons?” I still cringe. What made the situation worth postponing my lunch, though, was the exquisite response of her aged customer. After fixing the cashier with a look that offered disdain and bafflement in equal measure, she sighed, “Oh, I’ll try the visa first but a lot of shops seem to have a problem with it. £20 cash-back please, and is there any way I can have the points put on my M&S card retrospectively?” 

What the card debacle proved, aside from the imbecility of said sales assistant, is that senseless and underlying ageism is an ever-present part of our culture (did we learn nothing from Arlene Phillips?). Discernibly, time is rife for the Beeb’s new season “When I’m 65”: a host of shows tackling the trials that come with aging and exploring the place of pensioners in today’s Britain. With so many of us having little interaction with extra-familial seniors, the series must dispel the subconscious assumption that pensioners just aren’t worth our time, and that their domains are, naturally, the bingo hall or November news reports about heating bills. Still chortling about the withering retaliation of lady-on-the-till-to-the-left, on Thursday evening I tuned into “The Town That Never Retired”. The show, fronted by Margaret Mountford and Nick Hewer of, initially, “The Apprentice” fame, sent a throng of Preston retirees back into the workplace to see if they could cope with the demands of a 9 ‘til 5 despite having broken the 70-barrier: a piquing premise, and one that actually concerns the future of our industry. As explained at the show’s outset by the head of UK pensions at global firm PwC, thanks to a soaring life expectancy and little chance of the state bearing its brunt, babies born today can look forward to a pension age of 77. Hauling in an expert so early sent a plain message to viewers; this was not a show to poke fun at hapless and outdated slipper-wearers, nor even a passing comment on how ostracized pensioners are by newfangled technologies and practices. This was a show dealing with a nitty-gritty problem; an experiment, the findings of which implicate us all.

From boardroom to building site: Nick and Margaret

That said, the program raised a few giggles early on as the not-for-much-longer-OAPs arrived at their various workplaces. 73 year old former nurse Sheila didn’t bother to stifle her yawns as her officious new practice manager took her through modern surgery guidelines, and then got tickled by her own inability to click a computer mouse. During a mock consultation with a fellow nurse, Sheila offered the medical know-how of yesteryear. “Red wine is good for you,” she affirmed, after telling her would-be patient to limit her alcohol intake to a few glasses a night, more at weekends. Equally deserving of a chuckle was Marie, who headed back into estate agency. Poor M’s first few hours back at work would have been less woeful if she’d not bothered showing up. With hindsight, her biggest error was refusing to drive a manual and thus turning down the helping hand of the firm’s sat-nav equipped cars. Marie got lost, drove the wrong way up a one-way road and then, having reached her destination, breathlessly tried to open the door of the house next door. The rest of the drollery came from Mountford and Hewer, whose BBC reunion earnt the show its hoards of eager viewers desperate for the legendary “The Apprentice” chemistry that just hasn’t been the same since Karen Brady. Whilst Hewer played the cynic, frowning distastefully as only Hewer can and doubting the suitability of the aged to the 21st Century workplace (“I would prefer to eat my own leg than do this on a permanent basis” was a particular corker), Mountford championed the achievements of the show’s participants, beamed when they settled into their roles and sniggered at Nick’s reservations. Crucially, though, producers weren’t tempted to let the notorious pomp and merriment of the Mountford-Hewer duo stand in the way of business; in one segment, the pair visited a doctor to investigate the physical capabilities of plus-65s when they may be involved in manual work, and in another they discussed what rising pension ages will mean for nana-cum-nannys as grandparents will no longer be able to stand in for employed parents. With the early chuckles and a duo now only matched by Holly and Phil (sorry Ant and Dec- “Black or Red” really hurt you), the show injected humor without sacrificing its credibility and subtly made a perturbing problem a trace easier to handle.

Working girls: Barbara was enthused by her placement

The workers themselves were what made the show engrossing until the end. 76 year old Ruth, who was so keen to impress as a waitress that she took to rehearsing silver-service practices even when at home serving tea, stepped forward as one of the show’s exemplary former retirees. Her supervisor, Carlo, was decidedly unenthralled by the idea of a pensioner in his restaurant at the outset of the show and protested old peoples’ inability to “keep up” with his current team, but by the credits was forced to rethink his skepticism. Ruth’s performance was rivaled only by Barbara, who headed back to a chocolate factory. Babs lamented the loss of her old job and seemed set on showing the supermarket who turned a recent job application down that she could more than handle herself as an employee and, recovering from a nasty early setback that saw her upturn a tray of chocolate gingers, eventually won another week’s work from the factory boss. 72 year old Alan, 73 year old George and 71 year old Ray (ah, to be 71 again...) took to the completion of two apartments at a Preston building site with apparent ease; they jeered disbelievingly about plastic piping, seemed wholeheartedly amused with professional equipment (having made a lot of their own by hand) and got only a little irked by the non-stop jobsworth-iness of their supposed supervisors. Critically, the show thwarted the stereotype trap; whilst some of the guinea pigs rose to their callings, some seemed distinctly disinterested in the whole thing. These variations, in spite of the participants’ comparable ages, left the program with  a sort of plausible optimism; in any generation, one would expect the work-confident as well as the work-shy, the adept and the inept, and this lot were no different.

So even if M&S does revert to being no more than a stand-up shop, and I never have the fortune to see any more of lady-on-the-till-to-the-left’s stinging put-downs, “The Town That Never Retired” looks more than able to deliver my Thursdays with a spot of pensioner-power for a few weeks to come. Next week, in fact, may just push the bar even higher, with young talent being set alongside the seniors to see who fares better at work. Again: Arlene Phillips, anyone?

One Line Wonder

Nick (walking up a flight of slippery stairs): This is beastly. Hold on Margaret.