The Bianca

Friday night’s “EastEnders” took a more experimental route than most run of mill Walford outings. Viewers were exclusively tied to Bianca Butcher as financial woes intensified, resulting eventually in her arrest for theft and assault. I completely applaud the bigwigs behind Albert Square for this; when an episode climaxes with the demise of a series’ most iconic of characters it comes across only natural that that character should command half an hour’s limelight, and it was a risky decision given Bianca’s reputation as someone normally better taken sparingly.

Three-way handcuffs: Viewers were tied to Bianca as she faced the police

The episode deftly managed to take what previous plots have included for humour and make them more poignant. Normally, viewers not named Jamie Oliver can’t help but giggle at Bianca’s culinary accomplishments (nuggets and ketchup for breakfast has been a classic), but over the past week and tonight especially the Butcher family’s bare food cupboards have been markedly more sobering. In other episodes, I have imagined the way lifestyle campaigners might react to Bianca’s habitual use of the T.V. as a parental figure for her brood and chortled, but when Bianca defended her ill-judged use of a loan company to buy a new plasma with “Everyone’s got a telly…” it was impossible not to feel a smidge of empathy. Ian “Ebenezer” Scrooge also got a chance to raise the heavy issue of neighborhood indifference; his sacking of B shifted his predominantly comic stinginess into a common lack of compassion. The writers’ ability to turn slapstick into solemnity made sure Tiff and Morgan got ample screen time, too. Despite their well-earned reputation as the Square’s pint-sized rascals, both have tugged stubbornly at the heartstrings throughout Number 31’s economic drought, and had Angelina herself been watching last week her clan might just have swelled by two.

The previous night’s offering focused on Derek’s more endearing and less Godfather-inspired emphasis on family, and Friday continued the theme. After seeing him behave so venomously to Roxy and her beloved Alfie last week it was still entirely believable to see him play the devoted uncle to Bianca; his admittance that he tried to march her long-suffering mother Carol Jackson to a clinic when she fell pregnant at just 14 meant his characteristic bullishness wasn’t lost to the expense of this new family-man side. Actually, Derek is swiftly becoming one of Walford’s most diverse and perplexing residents- no wonder Jamie Foreman’s stint on the Square has been extended to at least October.

Begging in vain: Bianca appeals to Janine for help

With Derek in lovey-dovey mode it fell to Janine to play Friday’s Big Bad Wolf. I’ve been a big fan of Janine since Pat’s death late last year; her resolve to remedy her own consciously warped perspectives on family, love and charity, mixed with her rampant pregnancy hormones, has provided twist after twist. It was great to see her back to her devilish best on Friday: storming the Butcher stronghold armed with bridesmaids dresses in one scene and mercilessly turning a deaf ear to Bianca’s pleas for cash in the next.

The dynamic played out between Bianca and Carol across the half-hour, following a row on Thursday that resulted in the latter begin to pack her bags, was another deserving focal point. Bianca’s stroppy teenage-like refusal to make amends with Carol came to an abrupt and endearing stop in the final five minutes as Bianca realized she was heading behind bars, and despite a hurried reconciliation the mother and daughter duo’s ultimate affection provided a comparatively uplifting bookend to the episode. I love the way Carol has become a staple of the Square and, the way things stand now, the matriarch of one of its most sprawling clans, without taking on any caricature-inspired stereotype or outlandish storylines. I could name a hundred Carols, with her indistinguishable face, frumpy image and cynical perspective, and it is such believability that makes her an asset to the show.

T.G.I.B.N. (Thank God It’s Bianca Night)

One Line Wonder

Bianca (referring to a steamy and puzzling affair with her mother’s boyfriend that ended with a years-long feud): And Dan- that was wrong weren’t it?

The Fortune Telly-er

When Whitney and Lucy looked set to become rivals for Tyler’s love, I half-hoped for another Zainab and Denise inspired clash between fellow step-mums Bianca and Mandy, especially given the existing ferocity over Ricky and their inability to escape one another whilst at work in the caf. Here’s hoping Carol will fill Bianca’s place instead as she tries to become a mother figure to Whit. 

Drowned by Sunday Evening Telly? Vera Solves it All...

It seemed that every “Critics’ Choice” and 7-day-guide I laid my hands on last weekend was careful to praise ITV’s returning detective drama “Vera”, inspired by the novels of British writer Ann Cleeves. Admittedly, I was skeptical; it being Sunday evening and pre-watershed, despite the rave reviews and success of the preceding series I was expecting more "Scooby Doo" than "CSI". Two hours on I was dazed, and here’s why.

Searching the depths: Brenda Blethyn as Vera

The show got going with a bang- well, I suppose it was more of a muted thud- with the murder of what was ostensibly a middle-aged, butter-wouldn’t-melt single parent. I was watching downstairs with a mother more absorbed in online shopping who, after the opening sequence and a fairly brutal killing scene, became as engrossed as I. It was rapidly revealed that the deceased, Jenny Lister, served as a senior social worker on the infamous “Elias Jones” case that saw a young boy murdered by his mother and a junior worker, Connie, receive widespread vilification. That Lister was compiling a book defending the much-blamed parents in such cases soon emerged, as well as hints that she would be using the book to dish dirt on a one Michael Morgan, who had escaped the public’s wrath following Elias’ death despite being as culpable as Connie. As it turned out, Morgan had had Lister’s laptop stolen to rescue his reputation and had inadvertently discovered a recent dalliance with between Lister and her teenage daughter’s boyfriend, Simon. When Morgan was also found dead Vera and her team hastily put the pieces together to realize that Simon is the culprit on both counts, and that his next target could very well be the aforementioned Connie after she saw him with Lister days before the latter’s grisly end. The show climaxed in a race by Vera and her protégée Joeto save Connie and her young daughter from Simon’s car when it was plunged into a reservoir close to the show’s opening location. In all, it was a razor-sharp plot that made a post-divorce Katie Price look slow-paced.

Aside from the story itself the most arresting and arguably defining element, for me, was the credibility of the show’s titular character D.C.I. Vera Stanhope. Initially I thought she would be the drama’s loveable and lucky unlikely hero: a sort of northern Dawn French-type characterized by her clumsiness and frequent dropping of “pet” and “mam”. Then, her shrewdness and stubborn perseverance were thrown into the mix as she, more or less in isolation, assembled the enquiry’s leads and arsenal of evidence. It was only at the midway point of the episode, though, that Vera won me over. Her chagrin at being discovered to have image-insecurities and her prickly exterior when probed on her emotional defenses muddied all previous assumptions of her being relatively transparent. Indeed, at the episode’s tender end she spoke only a little openly, if at all, about the traumatic loss of her mother. It was refreshing to have an emphatically believable lead, not only because it kept doubt over the episode’s outcome but also for perfect verisimilitude.

Yes ma'am, no ma'am: David Leon as Joe

Sergeant Joe Ashworth, placed professionally if not personally below Vera, was another of the episode’s colossal draws. During the plot’s resolution he stepped forward as its daring hero following 90 minutes spent wrestling with his bullish and perplexing boss, and therefore spared himself the role of the over-eager but incompetent junior. Joe’s relationship with Vera provides yet another delineating dynamic of the series: part mother-son, part tutor-student, part drinking-pals and part mutual confidants. “Vera”'s character stems from its refusal to place any character in any one detective-fiction role- maybe a benefit of having developed from a novel series- and it gives it depth that makes "CSI" look far less distinct from "Scooby Doo" than I first thought. Cleverly, even Jenny Lister (the story’s primary victim) was posthumously put forward as a tauntingly contradictory and interesting character; we heard of her selfishness and implied vanity alongside her defiance and moral resolution to come clean, not to mention the bombshell that she bedded her daughter’s beau after a career championing stable families. Even the supposed villain, Simon, bucked typical detective-drama classification with his eventual composure and remorse; when he declared, “I’m not mad” in response to being well and truly Vera’d it was both authentic and viable.

I’ve mentioned the way the episode maintained its pace and starting momentum, but equally worth note were the red herrings it tantalizingly tacked on as we learnt more and more. For about half an hour it was, according to me, irrefutable that a gang of youths close to the water’s edge was key to the case, whilst my mother had Michael Morgan tried and sentenced before he too became a cropper (and we’re the Cluedo-aces of the family). Even more satisfyingly, no false leads or cues were left unaccounted for by the end credits. To say the episode played out like a completed puzzle would be to cheapen it, but it was well constructed, scarily manipulative and“ahhh”-inducingly fulfilling to the end.

One Line Wonder

Billy (the pathologist, having completed a post-mortem on Jenny Lister): Muesli for breakfast. Apparently you can get it with cranberries.

The Fortune Telly-er

Obviously another intelligent and clue-ridden murder case, but that may as well take the back-seat. I expect more about Joe's home life and a scene with Celine (his off handedly mentioned wife) that will mean more soul-searching with Vera. 

This is Our Battle Warble

When news of America’s freshest talent show “The Voice US” leapt across the Pond last year it seemed an unmissable potential signing for the Cowell-battered Beeb. Setting itself apart from the theatrics of more recognizable Idol and X-Factor formats, the show’s initial premise is simple: to judge on vocal ability in isolation (just in case you’ve been living under an immovably heavy and thoroughly media-proofed rock, the show’s judges coaches have their backs turned to the stage during auditions and thus ensure sure sob-stories and outlandish performances remain in the background). Since “The Voice UK” hit our screens last month it has commanded monumental viewing figures and reel upon reel of media coverage. However, the content given to the blind audition stages was, overall, disappointing. It seemed that every article eventually devolved into a blow-by-blow, figure-by-figure account of how “The Voice” was faring against ITV’s “Britain’s Got Talent” and what Simon Cowell’s reaction to such competition might have been. This Saturday, then, I was relieved to switch on the box and find that the overshadowed audition round was over and that the way was clear for the show to develop its own identity. My Sunday evening plans were chucked, and I resolved to set aside 90 minutes to judge the show using its own criteria: no comparisons, no prerequisites and no Cowell.

The so-called “battle-round” aimed to whittle the remaining contestants down by each coach pitching their own ten contestants against one another before picking a victor. For me, this concept openly undermines the show’s fundamental originality. The audition stages were built upon a lack of visual dramatics and such an artificial set-up compromises this principle (the contestants were to go head to head on a boxing-ring inspired stage), especially when it was such a principle that first warranted the show's huge following. Not being one to judge a show by its format, though, I told myself if it’s good enough for 12 million viewers in the U.S., it’s good enough for me.

Jessie J’s David and Cassius were the first to take to the ring, and those niggling fears I had about this round’s format taking the emphasis away from the raw talent of the show’s contestants grew exponentially. In the VT, Jessie was shown not so much doing it like a dude as doing it like a thug. Like some frustrated cockfight referee Jessie bemoaned David’s reluctance, particularly, to show ferocity towards Cassius during their duet. As the pair took to the ring I felt almost guilty for enjoying the spectacle of it all, after the voice and the voice alone being so cherished during the blind auditions. Talent-wise Cassius was superb, but it was tricky to shift attention back to vocals alone following such a disturbing introduction. Cassius, thankfully, eventually prevailed (despite Jessie J telling David “you’re the reason I’m on this show” just a few weeks back…), though I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was less because of that raw vocal skill and more to do with his embracing of Jessie’s bating. The other nonplussing part of this battle was the muteness of Sir Tom Jones when it came to giving feedback; of all the judges, he is surely best placed to give advice to two young, male sopranos, yet his experience was wasted here.

Barbara and Leanne, under Sir Tom’s guidance, were next up. The former quickly shed the “glamorous granny” label host Holly Willoughby awarded her during her introduction, explaining during her pre-performance interview that it was “time to take Leanne out”. Fighting talk. Leanne, however, who resembles a Kelly Clarkson/Adele lovechild both vocally and visually, remained poised and let her lungs sing for themselves. During a rendition of Lady GaGa’s “The Edge of Glory”, whereas Barbara’s subscription to the battle element of the round saw her become aggressive and tuneless, Leanne’s vocal control shone. When Sir Tom was asked who had won the battle he once again offered a remarkable lack of feedback, giving Leanne’s name and precious little justification. Frankly, for all the expertise he had displayed thus far it might as well have been Sir Tom, Dick or Harry on the panel.

Unique or Generic? Francis and Katy do their best to win over will.i.am

Francis and Kate, and by extension their coach will.i.am, were the next to step into the spotlight. During the blind auditions I remember being decidedly unimpressed with the vocal prowess of both of these girls and so prepared for a bit of a lull in show quality. Enter Will. During the pre-performance VT, he was shown taking the under-confident Katie to a studio for her to appreciate how “unique” her talent is. Though I would disagree with his point (Katie IS a brunette Diana Vickers and Francis herself is only marginally distinct from Cher Lloyd), Will’s display of guidance and warmth saw him rocket past both Jessie and Sir Tom in the coaching stakes.  The duet was mediocre and Will chose Francis as his victor, but his comment to Katie that they would “hang out” in future came across as genuine, believable and a refreshing change to the standard post-rejection comments used by talent show judges (“you’re an inspirational artist with a bright future” doesn’t cut it when the performer has just been unceremoniously and brutally ousted).

Danny’s turn at playing coach came around in the form of Alex and Emmy’s “Broken Strings” battle. Much was made of Alex being a comparatively weak performer with minimal resultant confidence or chance of winning, and Danny released his inner will.i.am by taking him to one side and providing reassurance. During the battle, Danny sang along, shouted encouraging advice and looked proud as punch of both his contestants. So should will.i.am step aside as The Voice UK’s king judge? Perhaps not. Danny opted to send the experienced and confident songstress Emmy home because he felt he had more to show Alex. Either Danny fancies himself more as a counselor than a vocal coach or he doesn’t feel accomplished enough himself to coach a talented artist such as Emmy. Either way, Will’s crown was safe.

I’ve always been a massive proponent of Jessie, but she did herself no favours when her next two contestants went up against one another. Ruth-Ann was the blind auditions’ underdog; when Jessie praised her ability Will seemed bewildered and criticized her pitching. In this round, Jessie paired her up with the cocksure and much-praised Ben (who memorably rejected Will for a spot on Team JJ). Following a discernibly brief performance of the Whitney hit “I Wanna Dance With Somebody”, Jessie proudly, yet unexpectedly, saw Ruth-Ann through to the live shows. With Beyonce’s “Girls” blaring in the background and Jessie storming the stage, it was clear the show’s most contemporary and sought-after coach has a bit of a penchant for shock value. Either that or she’s tone deaf.

Sir Tom’s only duo, the slightly eccentric Matt & Sueleen, was the next into the ring with the mumsy and likeable Lindsey. The greater part of the VT unnecessarily dwelt on this being a “two against one” battle; the distinctive vocal and aesthetic styles of the competitors meant Lindsey could easily stake out her own place. For me, this performance was too friendly. I half expected Matt and Sueleen to surrender their eventual victory because they felt bad for new BFF Linds. Despite this being Sir Tom’s realm, Jessie managed to shoot herself in the foot when she remarked, “I would’ve gone with Lindsey, but they’re more interesting to watch.” Jessie sweetheart, this is “The Voice UK”, not “Britain’s Next Top Model”.

Danny next chose to pit student Hannah against the more mature Murray for a rendition of Robbie and Kylie’s “Kids”, in what could have seemed like some awkward, Freud-tinged and downright mismatched debacle. Avoiding this trap, both contestants were pretty equally matched in a style removed from either of their comfort zones. For me it was too close to call, but when Danny went with Hannah I found myself trusting his expertise. Credit where it’s due: during the blind auditions Danny seemed way out of his depth, but tonight he showed an ability to advise, make interesting pairings and promote original performances. He only needs, now, to shake that Valium excitability.

Circling her prey: Becky clashed with Indie and Pixy

My highlight of Sunday’s episode has got to be the battle fought between Indie & Pixy, Jessie’s duo, and Becky, the teenager with attitude to make Kevin and Perry quake. In their audition I felt that Indie and Pixy were amongst the weakest singers and entertainers but had refreshingly normal and likeable personalities. Turns out they were actually THE weakest singers and entertainers, and had weaker personalities than cactus plants. After complaining that they weren’t given enough of the big lines in Beyonce anthem “Irreplaceable” and then failing to hold the ones they were trusted with, the fearless Becky sang Indie and Pixie off the stage. Lucky, really, as if Jessie had taken the alternative decision I would have switched to ITV in fury and this review would have died in infancy…

Adam and Denise’s rendition of “Use Somebody” was the episode’s gaping low point. Sir Tom gave will.i.am style coaching a bash but ended up merely talking to Adam about stage fright like it was the weather and telling Denise to sing on behalf of her newborn baby (I forget the specifics, but it was toe-curling stuff). The performance itself fell down the pit-fall Danny had so skillfully swerved with Hannah and Murray, and it viewed like a perverse mother-son karaoke contest. Adam went through, though it was difficult to muster any interest in either contestants or coach on this one.

Up until this point, will.i.am had mostly acted the consummate coach: expert, honest and passionate. When his contestants Sophie and J Marie belted out Katy Perry’s “Firework”, this impeccable reputation slid faster than you could rap "boom boom pow". Firstly, Will made the mistake of making his performance more memorable than his acts’; he wound up dropping in the ages he was when he started the Black Eyed Peas and when he met Fergie (other people have been 17 too, Will). Secondly, he put through blatant underdog Sophie and attempted to justify it with something along the lines of “she’s 17. I remember being 17.” Okay…Thirdly, he cried. Not that a touch of Cheryl Cole style sensitivity isn’t welcome every now and again, but Will was being a touch to liberal with the crocodile tears, here.

With Danny’s two male contestants David and John James rounding off the show with a cover of Stereophonics’ “Dakota”, Sir Tom’s moment to prove himself was ripe for the picking. So how would he claim back his renown as the musical genius of the panel: a host of technical music terms that Will would understand and Danny would think were types of pasta, perhaps? A personal demonstration of how to hold those famously smooth notes? Alas, no. Sir Tom felt it more prudent to remark, “David with the curly hair reminds me of the first time I came to London.” I just despair. Danny held his own by taking a timid David aside to tackle any inhibiting nerves but, eventually, refused to vouch for the underdog for the sake of good telly. John James was far and away a more comfortable and talented performer, and it was satisfying for the show to live up to its initial vocal focus in time for the curtain call. Indeed, another final word needs to be said in praise of Danny here; up until this stage I had seen him unequivocally as the weakest link on the panel and wondered whether he realized the applicability of “The Man Who Can’t Be Moved” to his own annoying presence on the show. On Sunday, however, only will.i.am rivaled Danny's expressiveness and natural approach to coaching and his category especially looks choc-full of dark horses.

Here's hoping silence is golden: Sir Tom seemed to have misplaced his own voice

This Sunday, there was a smidge too much aggression from Jessie J, far too little of Sir Tom and a severe deficit in the coaches explaining the rationale behind their choices, but the show had its definite peaks, too. So will I be watching the live shows? Absolutely, although maybe for my own piece of mind I’ll start referring to it as “The Voice ETC UK”.

One Line Wonder

Katie (whilst singing to Alanis Morissette’s “Ironic”, hours after being coached by will.i.am and just prior to being sent packing by him): It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take.

The Fortune Telly-er

One to watch: Leanne saw off stiff competition from Barbara with ease

Contestant-wise, Leanne is the clear one to watch from Sunday’s episode. It’ll be interesting to see whether Sir Tom can help her retain her huge voice yet still earn those all-important votes from pop-fanatic viewers.

Coach-wise, I think Jessie will reign it in for next week’s shows, especially when she has a chance to reflect on the silence of Sir Tom and the softly-softly styles of Will and Danny. I’d like to see Danny continue to hone his coaching skills, if nothing else then because it makes the show’s panel a more credible unit.

Sugar and Spice and All Things Business

For the sixth consecutive week, I can honestly and unashamedly report that Wednesday night in our house meant one thing this week: Sugar night. Of course, I’m not talking here about RDA-busting sweets that would make your dentist tremble (or, more accurately, greedily rub his hands and praise heaven that NHS dentistry is so punishing), but instead about Lord Sugar’s “The Apprentice”, which continues to pack a mean 9:00PM punch despite being halfway through its eighth run with the Beeb.

This week’s episode was a bona fide Apprentice gem; there was travel (albeit to the less than exotic Edinburgh), there was food and the task involved branding, costing, choosing pitch locations AND selling. The two teams, Sterling and Phoenix, were instructed to open up their own gourmet fast food stalls on the cobbled streets of Scotland’s capital to capitalize on the growing demand for high-quality fast food. For a twist, Lord Sugar briefed his candidates on their Scottish assignment by dropping by their London townhouse on what was ostensibly a day off. It’s flabbergasting really, when all they were doing was killing time in the same room whilst being flanked by cameras…

The Chosen One: Jenna was handed leadership by Sugar

Team Sterling had their leader, Jenna, hand-picked by Lord Sugar himself. It was a move I, for one, was glad of; in previous weeks she has been one of the more vocal candidates and yet has remained overlooked when it comes to the boardroom battlefield, so it was interesting to get behind that excruciatingly distinctive cry of hers and look for any real business acumen (that “look” became more of a “hunt”, as it happens). Without much hesitation or dispute, Sterling had their concept finalized. Their “Gourmet Scot Pot” would take advantage of the unique Edinburgh surroundings by focusing on traditional Scottish cuisine, stewed up using high quality ingredients and hunger-busting portions.

Gabrielle and Nick came off in a particularly flattering light from the get-go, and a fair amount of screen-time showed them methodically choosing the perfect location to sell their wares. In what went on to be a winning move for the team they settled on the tourist honey-pot of Parliament Square. I was an early supporter of Gabrielle but I feel that she let herself go slightly with her determination to brand every vintage item she laid her hands on during the second-hand goods task a few weeks ago, so it was reassuring to see her back on form. Ricky shone on Team Sterling, too, and his sharp eye for a lucrative opportunity saw him reel in the help of a bagpipe-playing busker in exchange for some free food, giving an air of authenticity and originality to the Scot Pot’s pitch. Such an opportunity helped to diffuse the simmering tension developing between Laura and team manager Jenna; the latter insinuated not enough was being done to attract business but seemed to have zero ideas of her own. She ended up mumbling (do part hyenas mumble?), “Just do the best you can.”

The money man: Adam became focused on keeping costs to a minimum

Team Phoenix had a more patchy start. Project manager Adam, who prior to tonight’s screening was a prominent front-runner for me, opened proceedings with “Scottish people generally eat deep fried Mars bars.” No wonder they want independence. The group eventually settled on selling pasta-dishes in a compromise that didn’t seem to appease Tom: the champion of the recently popular sushi and similar Asian dishes in high-street settings.

After opting to hone in on meatballs, Adam rather disappointingly soon began to sound like a scratched pop-star’s CD: “cheap, cheap, balls, cheap, saucy, cheap” covers it fairly succinctly. His business strategy, despite Lord Sugar’s early insistence on high-quality food, was to keep costs to a minimum. Adam’s initial instinct was to name the group’s business after the Italian chef who provided advice on the meatball recipe, but he abandoned this along with any lingering credibility as a project leader when he was convinced by his sub-team (consisting of Katie, Stephen and Jane) to go instead with “Utterly Delicious Meatballs”. No, the name does NOT have a ring to it: what you can hear is Lord Sugar’s death knell…

And that brings us to Phoenix’s sub-team. This woeful trio was Phoenix’s answer to Sterling’s aforementioned Gabrielle and Nick. First order of business? Location. Influenced by Katie they settled on a spot close to Tynecastle Stadium, where there was a Rangers game due to take place and thus a considerable amount of cold and hungry fans expected. It was a high risk plan, but despite Stephen’s fundamental misgivings it was deemed a promising one. For the remainder of the episode the sub-team was tasked with drumming up custom for the stall in both its locations (the latter being a more traditional tourist hub). This stint provided the hour’s most plentiful stock of humour; Adam encouraged his team members to don various Italy-inspired costumes and parade the streets (a command that saw them end up on a rooftop tourist bus trying to flog meatballs to dumbfounded riders searching for a slice of Scottish authenticity).

Disastrous as Phoenix’s sub team proved itself to be, special mention has got to be given to Katie. Her low points involved stating openly “branding is my bag” before slipping into a pizza-costume to promote pasta sales, remaining adamant that prices of the low-quality meatballs should be UPPED to £7.99 to appeal to Scotland’s most dedicated football fanatics and being the chief proponent of selling at Tynecastle Stadium in the first place. Kudos, Katie.

Not surprisingly, Team Phoenix found itself subject to further scrutiny from Lord Sugar in the boardroom after making less profit than Sterling, despite turnover being Adam’s much- lamented concern. After Stephen and Jade made some pretty fortunate escapes (lucky given that the former was so easily influenced to go against his initial resistance and follow the doomed Katie and the latter might has well have BEEN a meatball for all the intellectual prowess she displayed), Adam, Katie and Azhar found themselves facing Lord Sugar’s infamous finger.

Azhar’s departure would have been an unsatisfactory conclusion to a sound episode. Granted, he wasn’t very forthcoming with ideas or a prime seller, but he was substantially more prominent than Jane and didn’t do anything to actively derail Phoenix’s success. Plus, maybe he was still traumatized from being seen by Nick Hewer doing squats and crunches whilst wearing 80s-inspired sports attire in last week’s episode. Adam was pretty dismal as a PM but his obsession with profit seemed far less trivial when it was revealed that Sterling had cooked themselves up a mere £21 lead- maybe given a bit more team support Adam could have made up the difference. Katie’s exit, although a loss for the character of the series, was unavoidable when the facts were presented openly. If Team Phoenix hadn’t been swayed by her insistence on selling to non-fussy football fans looking for cheap-eats rather than overpriced meatballs, that £21 would have been child’s play.

Getting out of the kitchen: Katie Wright does her best business face

I feel that I need to say one or two words on something that troubled me throughout this week’s episode, as much as I have praised it’s comedic value and featured business task. I couldn’t help but be a (dare I say it?) little concerned for one of the BBC’s most anticipated and heavily followed shows. Despite her laughable failings this week, Katie did hit one rather obvious nail on the head; this task was built upon generating profit on a one-day basis only and didn’t need to take into account customer satisfaction or repeat custom. Moreover, no matter how much it provided me with my midweek Sugar-rush it didn’t highlight the candidates’ abilities to think long-term or, in the design of the task itself, their aptitudes for becoming Lord Sugar’s next business partner.  In the same way, a lot of this week’s episode was down to luck. With a £21 disparity, who can tell whether Sterling would have emerged victorious had the task been scheduled to take place on any other day of the year? What didn’t work for Phoenix one day of the week might, due to chance, be more productive than Sterling’s model when observed for more than just one day. Maybe it’s the Sugar come-down talking, but for the sake of the show’s longevity I hope the fact that this is NOT a reality show in its usual form is brought back to the fore, along with the emphasis on finding a long-term and reliable partner for Lord Sugar.

One Line Wonder

This has got to be a toss-up this week, but it wouldn’t be right if it didn’t go to Katie in one way or another.

Earning her crust: Katie makes a meal of getting business

Katie (after encouraging customers to guess what type of food she is promoting whilst being dressed in a pizza costume): You have to think outside the pizza box on this one. It’s actually meatballs.

Katie (whilst running to catch a bus): Oh great, just in time! (Bus pulls away) NO!

The Fortune Telly-er

I can’t help but think hope that Jenna’s time on the show is just about up, and that she’ll be next in the firing line. Someone who manages to say so much yet so little of real value can’t realistically be this series’ overall champion, especially with dark horses Tom and Laura gaining increasing momentum and screen time as the weeks go by. Maybe this is why Lord Sugar explicitly chose her to be Sterling’s project manager this week; a 50-50 chance that she ended up in the boardroom must have been quite the incentive.

Then again, in a series that has been so explicit in finding someone who doesn’t shy away from taking centre stage when handed a business task, Jade could be skating on wafer-thin ice. In the intro to the show Lord Sugar is heard criticizing the work-shy and those who play it a little too safe (“this isn’t Where’s Wally” in particular makes for sound bite heaven) can’t be expected to survive into the final stretch.