This week’s episode was a bona fide
Apprentice gem; there was travel (albeit to the less than exotic Edinburgh),
there was food and the task involved branding, costing, choosing pitch
locations AND selling. The two teams, Sterling and Phoenix, were instructed to
open up their own gourmet fast food stalls on the cobbled streets of Scotland’s
capital to capitalize on the growing demand for high-quality fast food. For a
twist, Lord Sugar briefed his candidates on their Scottish assignment by
dropping by their London townhouse on what was ostensibly a day off. It’s
flabbergasting really, when all they were doing was killing time in the same
room whilst being flanked by cameras…
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| The Chosen One: Jenna was handed leadership by Sugar |
Team Sterling had their leader, Jenna,
hand-picked by Lord Sugar himself. It was a move I, for one, was glad of; in
previous weeks she has been one of the more vocal candidates and yet has
remained overlooked when it comes to the boardroom battlefield, so it was
interesting to get behind that excruciatingly distinctive cry of hers and look
for any real business acumen (that “look” became more of a “hunt”, as it
happens). Without much hesitation or dispute, Sterling had their concept
finalized. Their “Gourmet Scot Pot” would take advantage of the unique
Edinburgh surroundings by focusing on traditional Scottish cuisine, stewed up
using high quality ingredients and hunger-busting portions.
Gabrielle and Nick came off in a
particularly flattering light from the get-go, and a fair amount of screen-time
showed them methodically choosing the perfect location to sell their wares. In
what went on to be a winning move for the team they settled on the tourist
honey-pot of Parliament Square. I was an early supporter of Gabrielle but I
feel that she let herself go slightly with her determination to brand every
vintage item she laid her hands on during the second-hand goods task a few
weeks ago, so it was reassuring to see her back on form. Ricky shone on Team
Sterling, too, and his sharp eye for a lucrative opportunity saw him reel in
the help of a bagpipe-playing busker in exchange for some free food, giving an
air of authenticity and originality to the Scot Pot’s pitch. Such an opportunity
helped to diffuse the simmering tension developing between Laura and team
manager Jenna; the latter insinuated not enough was being done to attract
business but seemed to have zero ideas of her own. She ended up mumbling (do
part hyenas mumble?), “Just do the best you can.”
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| The money man: Adam became focused on keeping costs to a minimum |
Team Phoenix had a more patchy start.
Project manager Adam, who prior to tonight’s screening was a prominent front-runner
for me, opened proceedings with “Scottish people generally eat deep fried Mars
bars.” No wonder they want independence. The group eventually
settled on selling pasta-dishes in a compromise that didn’t seem to appease Tom:
the champion of the recently popular sushi and similar Asian dishes in
high-street settings.
After opting to hone in on meatballs, Adam
rather disappointingly soon began to sound like a scratched pop-star’s CD:
“cheap, cheap, balls, cheap, saucy, cheap” covers it fairly succinctly. His
business strategy, despite Lord Sugar’s early insistence on high-quality food,
was to keep costs to a minimum. Adam’s initial instinct was to name the group’s
business after the Italian chef who provided advice on the meatball recipe, but
he abandoned this along with any lingering credibility as a project leader when
he was convinced by his sub-team (consisting of Katie, Stephen and Jane) to go
instead with “Utterly Delicious Meatballs”. No, the name does NOT have a ring
to it: what you can hear is Lord Sugar’s death knell…
And that brings us to Phoenix’s sub-team.
This woeful trio was Phoenix’s answer to Sterling’s aforementioned Gabrielle
and Nick. First order of business? Location. Influenced by Katie they settled on
a spot close to Tynecastle Stadium, where there was a Rangers game due to
take place and thus a considerable amount of cold and hungry fans expected. It
was a high risk plan, but despite Stephen’s fundamental misgivings it was
deemed a promising one. For the remainder of the episode the sub-team was
tasked with drumming up custom for the stall in both its locations (the latter
being a more traditional tourist hub). This stint provided the hour’s most
plentiful stock of humour; Adam encouraged his team members to don various
Italy-inspired costumes and parade the streets (a command that saw them end up
on a rooftop tourist bus trying to flog meatballs to dumbfounded riders
searching for a slice of Scottish authenticity).
Disastrous as Phoenix’s sub team proved
itself to be, special mention has got to be given to Katie. Her low points
involved stating openly “branding is my bag” before slipping into a
pizza-costume to promote pasta sales, remaining adamant that prices of the
low-quality meatballs should be UPPED to £7.99 to appeal to Scotland’s most
dedicated football fanatics and being the chief proponent of selling at
Tynecastle Stadium in the first place. Kudos, Katie.
Not surprisingly, Team Phoenix found itself
subject to further scrutiny from Lord Sugar in the boardroom after making less profit
than Sterling, despite turnover being Adam’s much- lamented concern. After
Stephen and Jade made some pretty fortunate escapes (lucky given that the
former was so easily influenced to go against his initial resistance and follow
the doomed Katie and the latter might has well have BEEN a meatball for all the
intellectual prowess she displayed), Adam, Katie and Azhar found themselves
facing Lord Sugar’s infamous finger.
Azhar’s departure would have been an
unsatisfactory conclusion to a sound episode. Granted, he wasn’t very
forthcoming with ideas or a prime seller, but he was substantially more
prominent than Jane and didn’t do anything to actively derail Phoenix’s
success. Plus, maybe he was still traumatized from being seen by Nick Hewer
doing squats and crunches whilst wearing 80s-inspired sports attire in last
week’s episode. Adam was pretty dismal as a PM but his obsession
with profit seemed far less trivial when it was revealed that Sterling had
cooked themselves up a mere £21 lead- maybe given a bit more team support Adam could
have made up the difference. Katie’s exit, although a loss for the character of
the series, was unavoidable when the facts were presented openly. If Team
Phoenix hadn’t been swayed by her insistence on selling to non-fussy football
fans looking for cheap-eats rather than overpriced meatballs, that £21 would
have been child’s play.
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| Getting out of the kitchen: Katie Wright does her best business face |
I feel that I need to say one or two words
on something that troubled me throughout this week’s episode, as much as I have
praised it’s comedic value and featured business task. I couldn’t help but be a
(dare I say it?) little concerned for one of the BBC’s most anticipated and
heavily followed shows. Despite her laughable failings this week, Katie did hit
one rather obvious nail on the head; this task was built upon generating profit
on a one-day basis only and didn’t need to take into account customer
satisfaction or repeat custom. Moreover, no matter how much it provided me with
my midweek Sugar-rush it didn’t highlight the candidates’ abilities to think
long-term or, in the design of the task itself, their aptitudes for becoming
Lord Sugar’s next business partner.
In the same way, a lot of this week’s episode was down to luck. With a
£21 disparity, who can tell whether Sterling would have emerged victorious had
the task been scheduled to take place on any other day of the year? What didn’t
work for Phoenix one day of the week might, due to chance, be more productive
than Sterling’s model when observed for more than just one day. Maybe it’s the Sugar
come-down talking, but for the sake of the show’s longevity I hope the fact
that this is NOT a reality show in its usual form is brought back to the fore,
along with the emphasis on finding a long-term and reliable partner for Lord
Sugar.
This has got to be a toss-up this week, but
it wouldn’t be right if it didn’t go to Katie in one way or another.
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| Earning her crust: Katie makes a meal of getting business |
Katie (after
encouraging customers to guess what type of food she is promoting whilst being
dressed in a pizza costume): You have to think outside the pizza box on
this one. It’s actually meatballs.
Katie (whilst
running to catch a bus): Oh great, just in time! (Bus pulls away) NO!
I can’t help but think hope that
Jenna’s time on the show is just about up, and that she’ll be next in the
firing line. Someone who manages to say so much yet so little of real value can’t realistically be this series’ overall
champion, especially with dark horses Tom and Laura gaining increasing momentum
and screen time as the weeks go by. Maybe this is why Lord Sugar explicitly
chose her to be Sterling’s project manager this week; a 50-50 chance that she
ended up in the boardroom must have been quite the incentive.
Then again, in a series that has been so
explicit in finding someone who doesn’t shy away from taking centre stage when
handed a business task, Jade could be skating on wafer-thin ice. In the intro
to the show Lord Sugar is heard criticizing the work-shy and those who play it
a little too safe (“this isn’t Where’s Wally” in particular makes for sound bite
heaven) can’t be expected to survive into the final stretch.
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