Celebrating Soap Since 1999

A few weeks back I found myself slumped in a London café wading through Charles Dickens’ “David Copperfield” in an unbearable state of indifference. I didn’t give a dam whether Emily was reunited with Mr Peggoty or whether Trot finally got his Agnes: sorry Chaz, but after 800 pages I was over it. And I was scared; this is a supposed literary masterpiece, revered by book-buffs and lecturers far and wide and I, an English student, couldn’t make myself care about a word. Opting to cut my losses I resigned myself to the idea that my Dickens-time was done for the day and got another coffee. Sitting back down, I caught a snippet of the conversation of a couple of fifty-something women on the next table. “He’s wicked…I think he’ll set Jay up…Shirley’ll find out eventually.” After that Dickens didn’t stand a chance; I knew that they were talking about EastEnders and its recent murder storyline and I became fixed on listening to what they had to say. Scoff if you will but it’s times like this, I thought, that the gargantuan influence British soap operas hold in our everyday lives is at its clearest. Two sets of people, both smack-bang the cultural and financial centre of our country: one drenched soap-talk and the other resenting a revered and sophisticated work for taking up valuable eavesdropping time. Love them or hate them the soaps are an adored fixture of millions of living rooms nationwide, five nights a week. Being in the former camp, I didn’t feel even a jot guilty about sacrificing 90 minutes of my Wednesday evening this week to ITV’s screening of “The British Soap Awards 2012”, which celebrated for the 14^th time the prime talent of our country’s most beloved form of drama.

It’s always somewhat surreal to see soap’s hottest out of context, jocularly enjoying posing for the cameras in their finery rather than dodging bullets, tearing one another’s clothes off and popping out more sprogs than Octomom, but I relish the obligatory red-carpet start to these ceremonies. After a year rife with alcoholic teens, drug-dealing bouncers and knees ups across the board, Maroon 5’s “Moves Like Jagger” was an apt choice for a soundtrack to this segment, though maybe “Moves Like Jagger Circa 1960s following a trip to Italy” would have been a little more accurate. Presenting the show was ITV’s golden silver boy himself Philip Schofield, who instantly gave it the light-heartedness it needed. Indeed, what I most appreciated about Paul as a presenter last night, with his boyish grin and nearly tangible enthusiasm, was the way he didn’t try to make soaps seem anything more than what they are: nothing more than outlandish storylines that strike a chord realized by exaggerated characters that we can’t help but become fascinated by.

The first order of business: Sexiest Male. I think it’s prudent to stress again how shows like this play on their own refusal to take themselves too seriously; parodies, if you like, of the Tinseltown gongs. EastEnders’ Scott Maslen (Jack Branning) scooped the prize and followed Schofield’s example by posing mockingly as he swaggered to the stage. Without trivialising the nomination or coming across as overly arrogant he made sure it was all about good fun and frolics. I had to laugh at the way newcomer Jamie Foreman (Derek Branning), who’s used to starring in shows with a little more grit than the Walford serial, grabbed Maslen triumphantly as his name was announced. Jamie, a word to the wise: categories like this don’t necessarily make or break anyone’s careers. He’s new. He’ll learn. Next up: Sexiest Female. This title deservedly went to the goddess that is Coronation Street’s Michelle Keegan (Tina McIntyre)- hardly surprising given the amount of magazine coverage she gets as the on-again/off-again fiancé of boy band The Wanted’s Max George- and she, like Maslen, insisted she was flattered without getting ahead of herself. More interestingly about this category, for me, was the nomination procured by EastEnders’ Jacqueline Jossa (Lauren Branning). Though she is the second actress to take on the part, it’s testament to the way soap writers can cunningly transition characters from childhood to adulthood: when Lauren first popped up in Albert Square she was just a 12 year old girl but is nowadays ranked amongst soap’s most dazzling sirens.

No wonder she didn't win: Jossa seemed flabbergasted with her Sexiest Female nod

Villain of the Year went, without much surprise, to Corrie’s Andrew Lancel (Frank Foster). Frank racked up quite a record during his time on the cobbles; he brutally raped the tragic Carla, he duped cancer-fighter Sally and he manipulated the loveable but dim Leanne. Thank God Mummy Foster did him in. Lancel conquered EastEnders’ Joshua Pascoe (Ben Mitchell) with his triumph, which I think is a minor travesty; Ben’s character seems to have a lot more depth and dimension than the rotten through-and-through Frank, and it would have been a deserved victory for the Enders writing team. Lancel seemed bowled over by the gong, though, exclaiming at the end of his acceptance speech, “Just want to say to my little boy at home: Isaac, daddy got a prize!” What I wouldn’t give to be a fly on the Lancel household’s wall when Isaac gets a little older and asks what his dad’s most memorable storylines on the street were…

As well as Enders’ Ben Lancel topped Coronation Street’s Natalie Gumede (Kirsty Soames) with his Villain achievement. Gumede got herself some recognition, though, when she was next named Best Newcomer. Any character that acts as soap-bitch and still win over the approval of show critics and fans is clearly doing something right, and I was glad Kirsty’s presence on the Street was acknowledged; particularly during the forthcoming storyline that shows her attacking boyfriend Tyrone, she has been swiftly constructed as a uniquely multi-faceted and credible addition to the cobbles.

The next statuette was for Spectacular Scene of the Year. This was a tough call. With the explosion of Kim’s Palace over in Walford, the endless jaw-dropping scenes featuring Hollyoaks killer Silas and even (yes, it actually happened) Ken Barlow doing something other than boring his family to a slow and painful death in Corrie, the ceremony’s panel must have had their work cut out. In the end, the crash involving John and Moira in Emmerdale, which saw the latter scramble out of the precariously balanced car whilst the other plunged off a precipice, emerged a worthy winner.

In yet another category crammed full of deserving victors The Best Single Episode nod went to Becky McDonald’s final Corrie appearance. This is somewhat of a tender subject for me; it’s early days and I can’t pretend to be over actress Katherine Kelly’s departure quite yet. For my own sake, then, I’ll say now that Becky was also named as having the Best Soap Exit. I can’t dwell on all this without getting hung up on it, but I must drop in a comment on Katherine storming the stage and crying disbelievingly “I thought this award was Pam’s!” Clearly, judging by the pretty stung expression pasted on Pam St Clements’ (Enders’ Pat Butcher’s) face, she wasn’t the only one.

Coming into her own: Enders' Lorna Fitzgerald

Seeing off stiff competition from the likes of Alex Bain (Corrie’s aggravatingly self assured and mind-numbingly talented Simon Barlow) and Charlie Kenyon (Doctors’ Cameron Waterhouse- I’m told he’s pretty impressive too, but I’m not part of Doctors’ 20-odd regular viewers), Lorna Fitzgerald (Abi Branning) took to the stage to accept the Best Young Performance title. Again, seeing Lorna come into her own on screen and it being recognized in last night’s ceremony is a massive mark of achievement from the team behind EastEnders. When the aforementioned Lauren Branning was still a pre-teen handful (Christmas Day 2006 and Stacey Slater- need I say more?) Abi was just the chubby, pop-loving, boring sibling of the family, but six years on she’s a strong Square fixture in her own right.

The night’s Lifetime Achievement Award went to Pam St Clement (suck it Katherine Kelly), but despite the efforts of her on screen step-kids Charlie Brooks and Sid Owen to add poignancy and prestige when presenting the gong it was all a little overshadowed. Not only did Philip quip “Walford’s loss is our gain because she’s the new pet expert on this morning”, but the later honoring of Corrie’s Betty Driver (Betty Williams, who passed away last year) took the focus more than a little away from St Clement and her Pat Evans (nee Harris, Beale, Wicks AND Butcher).

Rounding up the panel-decided categories, Jackson Walsh’s euthanasia plot over in Emmerdale scooped the Best Storyline prize and the Best On-Screen Partnership went to Jake Wood and Jo Joyner. In what was probably a personal highlight, Bradley Walsh sauntered onto the stage to present the Best Comedy Performance (claimed by Corrie's Stephanie Cole, who plays Sylvia Goodwin) and took jibes at members of its audience. If press reports are to be believed, and I’m not necessarily saying they are, he took a dig at Michelle Collins’ shoddy ability to speak with a Northern twang that she later demanded be edited out of footage. Granted, she’s taken disproportionate stick for the accent since she started in the role of Stella Price, but given that pint-sized Alex Bain could handle Walsh’s digs with poise such a diva response is a bit uncalled for. Here’s hoping it’s tabloid tat.

Soap fan: Robert Bathurst presented Best Actress Alison King with her gong

Danny Miller, who plays Aaron Livesy, did Emmerdale proud with his Best Actor triumph, and it was only fitting that Emmerdale should scoop a coveted prize given its recent ability to pack a ratings punch and regularly rival EastEnders when they go head to head. Justly, given the way she handled such a sensitive and intense subject as sexual abuse with ease and without taking the obligatory “time off to rest” demanded by many of her peers, Corrie's Alison King (Carla Connor) was named soap’s Best Actress by the immensely acclaimed Robert Bathurst. This was another peak of the show; it’s testament to the role soaps have in our lives that genuinely revered actors distinctly removed from soap-land turn out to show support.

At the ceremony’s culmination, EastEnders was crowned Best Soap as its cast and crew flooded the stage. Was it deserved? Well, it trumps Dickens any day of the week. When accepting the award, spokesperson Shane Richie (Alfie Moon) fished out the show’s brand new exec-producer, Lorraine Newman, and ensured she took a spot centre-stage and camera-facing. I’m glad the show honored the brains behind the soaps in such moments rather than just the faces and names beamed into our living rooms night on night. Earlier, a Special Achievement Award had been presented to series consultant and chief writer Simon Ashdown (the genius behind EastEnders’ most astonishing twists), and it was refreshing that without taking itself too seriously the awards show ensured raw writing talent got a mention.

In all, I won’t pretend the ceremony was quite as scandalously unpredictable as our beloved soaps themselves: Corrie and Enders coming neck and neck; Emmerdale edging in; Hollyoaks and Doctors way off the show’s radar; the 14^th round of British Soap Awards followed the trail blazed by its predecessors with diligence. Still, it was gratifying to so publicly salute soaps and the genuine stimulation and structure they add to the British public’s days month after month. 

Oscars, eat your heart out.

One Line Wonder

Philip Schofield (announcing an advert break): If you even think about turning over we’ll send round Derek Branning. Your call.

The Fortune Telly-er

I wish I knew. Judging by the past year’s colourful plots, it’s anyone’s guess.